Let that seed grow

“I am responsible, but I’m not ready to be a father.” I felt nauseous immediately – again. 

How could he say such a thing to my family? I felt dejected. I saw the disappointed look on my mom’s face. I was her only child and she wouldn't have it. My family obviously did not agree to commit such an atrocious act, but the harm was already done…the shame.

 

During the ultra-scan, the obstetrician looked at the motion picture on the screen; a smile worked at the corner of his lip. 

“They’re twins” He said. I felt a twinge of joy which was clouded with pain and confusion. 

“Are you sure?”. It was too good to be happening at that point in my life as far as my situation was concerned. To me it was divine, but their father did not want them. 

“I’m a sonographer and I know what I’m talking about... congratulations.”  

“Thank you” I managed to say.

Days passed and yet the man still insisted he was not ready to be a father. He kept saying it. I was a burden of pain on his life. 

The morning sickness got bad. I had malaria. I was admitted for days. I became tired and fragile after I was discharged. He took advantage of my depression and lured me to a hospital (name withheld). To him it was going to end all the pains I was going through. He did not want them, I was helpless and I agreed. But deep down I loved them, and wanted them to live.

I found myself at the Hospital. When I saw those girls and young women and even the married, I wanted to run away. I felt I was one of them. I felt dirty. But I was still sitting watching in guilt and confusion. 

I finally met the psychologist and after some few questions she told me point blank, “you don’t want to do it.”

 

I insisted because I loved the man and was ready to do anything to please him. I was given drugs to take. He wasn’t satisfied with that. He wanted me to go to the theater to get it out once and for all. Even the nurses were angry because the medicine was already taking effect. I felt like a robot being manipulated.

I was at the theater staring at the ceiling. They opened me with an object that held firmly on both sides between my legs. It was painful. Something was used to pull my womb closer. 

My leg began to shake, another thing was screwed into my womb and I held my breath in deep pain as the nurse pulled out the blood and poured it into the sink. In my pain I began to beg God and my babies for forgiveness and mercy. 

The next day I began to bleed from dawn till morning. I hid it from my mum till she left for work. Then I called him, and was taken to the hospital. I went through DNC, and this time I was chloroformed. I bled for over 2 weeks.

 

I moved on after laboring in pain for a year. I later got pregnant unexpectedly by a different man. I was determined to save this one, but I miscarried. Doctor said I had a weak womb, baby making was almost impossible. 

They later realized that my womb had to be removed. I can bravely say I am barren, but I don’t wish my experience on even a dog. I just hope my pain and story will save lives and bring happiness to people.

I am not afraid of my 'status', but I’m afraid of the reality of abortion hidden from other girls. I speak for the silent zygote in your womb. 

SAY NO TO ABORTION, LET THAT SEED GROW

Maiden Sarah Hackman, Student