Rape Is Not Just Sex. It Is a Crime of Power and You Don’t Tell Victims To ‘Just Get Over It.’

Photo Credit: Vox.com

What most people do not understand is that rape is not something you just ‘get over’. No, it does not work that way. When the choice of consent is snatched from beneath you, it is a violation of not just your body but your mind too. Rape, is like a robbery in which something is taken forcefully from you with every unconsented thrust. Yet unlike robbery where items taken can be replaced, rape takes away parts of you that can never be replaced, only learned to live with.

When a person is raped, it isn’t just the body that has been invaded but also the mind. And this unwarranted invasion can lead to a thrashing of a person’s mental health. Walls get broken and victims without the right help and counselling may never get around to becoming who they used to be. Their present comes to a standstill and the future turns to gloom.

Some dire psychological effects of this violation may even be that victims may be broken to such abysmal levels that they accept and welcome abuse as part of life especially in cases where victims have suffered abuse one too many times. Some unlearn how to live by themselves, seeking approval from others due to low self-esteem. For others, sex in later life becomes an act that needs to be laced with violence before it can be enjoyed.

It therefore becomes very irresponsible when someone makes a comment that suggests that victims of rape just need to get over it. How does one ‘just get over’ something as delicate and damaging as rape? How does one reconstruct barriers that have been torn down in such cruel manner? How does one get past the trauma—both physically and psychologically?

Even in our ‘normal’ lives, each and every one of us is protective of their personal space. Such that any intrusion by another is highly unwelcome. This is even when we still have our freedom to make choices and consent to things, how much more when this freedom is taken away from us and our bodies are subjected to sadistic attack? The physical pain with time may heal and the psychological? It will take more than ‘just getting over’ it to move past the trauma and become one’s old self again.

There is no just getting over rape. Rape is not something you can just put behind you and move on like it never happened—except one is in denial, of course. It is when people make careless remarks like this to victims of abuse that cause them to shy away from seeking help, and in the long run causes them to keep quiet over the issue which does more harm and makes the fight against sexual abuse more challenging.

Rape recovery is possible, but it will take time and a lot of love for not just the physical healing but the psychological too. For many people, the incident of their rape is stuck in their head and the image plays over and over again for days, months or even years. How do you expect such a person to just get over it like there is an on-off switch? 

Rape is not just sex, it is a crime of power and control against a weaker person—more psychological than is made to seem. Don’t tell victims to not talk about it or that they are making up tales just for attention as if they enjoyed being trounced. Don’t say things like “It’s been over a year now, get over it.” Some people never do. For others it’s a daily struggle to create a new life for themselves and learn to love and be safe again.