Wish, drop hints, even pursue, but know when to let go

Photo: YourTango

What screws us up the most in life is the picture in our head of what it’s supposed to be. __Socrates

Steve Harvey in his book “Think like a man, Act like a lady” describes a woman’s love as;

"Nothing on this planet can compare with a woman’s love—it is kind and compassionate, patient and nurturing, generous and sweet and unconditional. Pure. If you are her man, she will walk on water and through a mountain for you, too, no matter how you’ve acted out, no matter what crazy thing you’ve done, no matter the time or demand. If you are her man, she will talk to you until there just aren’t any more words left to say, encourage you when you’re at rock bottom and think there just isn’t any way out, hold you in her arms when you’re sick, and laugh with you when you’re up. And if you’re her man and that woman loves you —I mean really loves you? —she will shine you up when you’re dusty, encourage you when you’re down, defend you even when she’s not so sure you were right, and hang on your every word, even when you’re not saying anything worth listening to. And no matter what you do, no matter how many times her friends say you’re no good, no matter how many times you slam the door on the relationship, she will give you her very best and then some, and keep right on trying to win over your heart, even when you act like everything she’s done to convince you she’s The One just isn’t good enough. That’s a woman’s love—it stands the test of time, logic, and all circumstance."

Wow, that's some real (and long) talk there! 

Truth is, when a woman sets her eyes on a man, she hardly sees how the situation truly is. Thus whether the man feels the same or not, she is rather focused on how good they will be together.

She puts in effort to be noticed by him and when he does not respond the way she wants, she ends up pursuing him because in her mind, she believes this man can be her man if only she makes more sacrifices and holds on a bit longer.

Bad mistake! Because when the sacrifices and the holding on does not work either, she lowers her values, her standards, her worth, even throws in the “cookie” hoping this will somewhat change his feelings towards her.

She is likely to end up ‘being used’ (not a great way to put it, but that’s what it most probably feels like.) The heart wants what the heart wants and a woman in love will do just about anything for who she loves.

Even though her love is one sided, unrequited, she will still support and stay loyal to this man; avail herself whenever he needs her. Sadly, she will receive less than she is giving because a man who is not giving you his time or attention is just not that into you.

There is nothing like being too busy. If a man really likes you, he will make time. It is only when feelings are not mutual that he will come up with those excuses. Yes, that’s what they are; excuses!

"When a man is truly interested in you, there will be no need for you to do the pursuing. Men are born to pursue women. Yes, you can pursue a man if you want to, but in most cases that’s just an obvious sign that he’s not into you. It’s not natural for a man to sit back and let the woman do all the work. For a man who claims to like you to sit back and allow you to do all of the calling, texting, dating arrangements, talks about the future etc., it’s obvious where you stand in that man’s life. When a man really wants you, you won’t have to chase after him like he’s some celebrity who barely has time for a fan. You will be his priority."

Men are made to pursue women so when you meet a potential, you can give him enough hints to subtly nudge the ‘hunter’ in him. But if he does not pursue, then maybe he’s just not interested and it is time to move on.

No woman should lower standards or values just to get a man interested. I know sistas, sometimes it is hard to let go, even if it’s not meant to be. But be kind to yourself, and save some of that broken heart.

____ N