Shaming Women Through Sexual Experiences

Nigeria twitter was thrown into a state of unhealthy spectacle over the weekend when two famous Nigerian personalities slugged it out in a twitter verbal feud. The heated feud generated excitement, shock and disdain to a section of the ‘viewing’ public. The two individuals involved were musician Wizkid and entertainment blogger Linda Ikeja.

The exchanges began following a story published by Linda on her website which she alleged Wizkid has been served an eviction notice by the owners’ of the award winning singer’s house at Lekki. An unamused Wizkid took to his Instagram page and put up a spirited rebuttal of these allegation. In his efforts at setting the records straight, Wizkid waded into grounds that surely were not pleasant. 

It could be deduced from the tone of the responses that the two have had a long standing ‘beef’ which came to a head by this recent publication. Wizkid took Linda Ikeja to the cleaners, comparing his achievements at 25 years and hers when she was his age. The crudest of all was when he pointed to Linda’s sexual encounter with his (Wizkid) director.

And this was where Wizkid slipped badly. Indeed, one can forgive him for his outbursts which he considered as drummed up tale with a malicious intent to hurt him and his brand. But, going on that leg was totally unacceptable and provokes the question: Why Do Some Men Point To A Girl’s Sex Life (Past or present) to shame and ridicule them?

This act of ‘shaming through sexual experiences’ is used primarily to project women as cheap and sluts (often called hoes) and by approximation inflicting a big dent on their self-esteem. Ironically, most of the men who point and accuse women of being sluts are more promiscuous than those they accuse. 

One can’t blame or criticize some of these men who think their sexual proclivities make them ‘men’. Blame society which confers on men the right to sleep around with as many women they wish as proof of their ‘manhood’. 

Blame society which without shame gags women from having sex or expressing their sexuality because they are ‘women’ and must ‘keep themselves for their husbands’ (whatever that means); husbands who may be on a ‘conquer and go’ trip.

Women have the same right as men to sleep with anyone of their choosing and society must not be appalled by that as they are not with the men. I’m not advocating a reckless, sex-driven life. My point is this: nobody, be it a man or woman-has the right to slam a woman by her past or present sexual engagements. 

That approach is unfair, hypocritical and crude. It is not everyone who is cut for that ‘save yourself till marriage’ edict. And not everyone follows the religious code of staying celibate.

It is my wish that, there would come a day when women would not be shamed by who they fuck or who fucked them or any ‘moral weakness or physical defects during arguments but rather address the issues at stake. Attacking a woman by pointing to her sexual engagements is very childish, uncouth, cowardly and totally stupid.

Article Submitted by: Ibrahim (Rahim) Muniru. Follow him on Twitter @swayekidd