There was nothing
like distinct home chores for boys and girls; men and women; female and male in
my household. The gender roles were greatly blurred.
The house culture was
that all men learnt how to cook, clean, wash and did any other job ascribed to
them and none of us grumbled. Sometimes,
the men did chores that were considered 'for women'. That was how my mother run
her house. And my dad watched on as 'orders' were given. So no man who ever
stayed in my house was without the expertise of home keeping. From my uncles to
nephews to male siblings, the art of home keeping was a course you undertook.
At age 11, I was
laying beds, cleaning and doing my laundry. By 15, I was cooking. I recall the
first time I made palmnut soup. It wasn't the best, but was a step in the right direction. My mum's reason for not delineating male chores from female
chores was to make us, the guys complete humans learn the domestic aspect of
life as well as the academic and social life.
She always said my
dad was a good cook when they met so why shouldn't his male kids be like him.
Or learn how to cook and clean so that your wife would not bluff you in future—a
very common motherly remark.
From my childhood to
my teen years, I have been surrounded by women who didn't treat me differently
when it came to household chores. My auntie, for example, handed me my first
lesson in scrubbing, sweeping and helping out in the kitchen; lessons I've
grown to appreciate.
During a conversation
with a very close lady friend, the subject of male privilege was on full
display. According to her, her landlady in a meeting asked tenants to either
contribute to pay for somebody to sweep their compound or they do it
themselves. Majority (4 out of 5 people) voted for the latter option. So the
decision was for each person to sweep a compound which is barely dirty for a
week.
But instead of 5
people sweeping, the landlady omitted one tenant, the male, on the premise that
culturally men aren't supposed to sweep because they are 'men'. She refused to
accept that notion and challenged the landlady, arguing that a man who pays the
same rent as all the others, should do the same chores as agreed. And that, the
cultural reason is baloney since she grew up seeing her dad sweeping and
cooking sometimes.
What surprised her,
she said, was the attitude of the two other female tenants who supported the
landlady's assertion. Ultimately, one of the ladies agreed to sweep for the
guy. And what was intriguing per the landlady's claim was that her 12 year son
sweeps her compound. When she pointed it out to her, the landlady quipped that
her son is 'just a boy'.
What inspired this
article was a chat I overheard between two kids; a boy of 10 years and a girl
of 12 years on an interesting subject—male privileges and house chores. The boy
expressed the popular patriarchal view that women must cook and clean. For him,
he won't do that since it’s a girl's duty.
The 12 year old girl
asked him and interesting and wise question. 'Does your father cook for you at
home even when your mother is around?' The boy answered in the affirmative.
Next she asked if he would be like his dad to which he said yes. End of
argument.
The boy might have
spoken ignorantly. He's a young 10 year old boy anyway, but his views about the
world and male privileges vis a vis that of women is getting shaped. And it's
from what he sees at home, friend’s home and hears men say and sometimes women
(mothers) about the defined roles of the sexes in households and the world.
Some go to the full
extent of backing these claims with religious text. You should listen to some
'advice' given to spouses especially the wife by the pastors on what constitute
her 'God given roles'. I most times get offended.
It's a man's world as
they say. Yes, for now. And if we want to change the thinking of men and let
them understand how damaging, unfair and abusive their privileges (Male
Patriarchy), then the training or teachings from home -by parents- is crucially
important. After all, teach a child the way s/he should go so that s/he won't
depart from it.
Article Submitted by: Ibrahim (Rahim) Muniru. Tweet to him on Twitter @swayekidd
I am particularly thrilled to have read this post, even more so because it is coming from a guy. Where I come from, boys, men, are NOT allowed to do any kind of chores. My mother consciously or subconsciously prevents my little brothers from doing anything. When I completed Junior High, I was already doing laundry (handwash) for everyone in my house. The last of the children, now 15, cannot till now, do his own laundry. I have always had a problem with this ‘madness’. I don’t allow this anymore. When I am around, I make sure they are doing their dishes. I make sure they are scrubbing their bathroom. I make sure they are collecting their clutter after them. This male/female chore division should be a thing of the past! It is unacceptable, intolerable and rearward. I hope women, mothers can rid themselves of this notion.
ReplyDeleteThat's sad. I think your mom is doing your brother more harm than good.
DeleteHe might have to spend lot of money on stuff he could do himself later in life..
I agree with the writer. Growing up we didn't have lots of gender defined roles at home.
ReplyDeleteThe only reason I didn't do much cooking was because my sisters food somehow managed to taste better than mine even when we used the same ingredients. Till this day I don't understand why. 😂
Growing up and living alone, not having gender defined roles as a kid have helped me cope. I can cook my own food (still doesn't taste as good as sister's) I do my own cleaning etc.
Gender defined roles make growing up difficult for guys when they have to live alone.
One of the things I've learnt about religion over the years is that if you try hard enough you can justify anything.
You could totally ignore the fact that Jacob was a good cook and point that Abigail served David good food like a 'good wife'
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