How easy is it to love a child born out of rape?

What will make a mother refuse to look, touch or breastfeed her own child when he or she is born? What will make a mother abandon her child? What will make a mother hate her child? What will make a mother give up her child for adoption? There are several reasons but today, I would like to address the reason called rape.

Sarah had had many love proposals from her neighbor Paul, but she refused him. She loved her fiancé Ben who she couldn’t wait to marry and would never jeopardize their relationship for anything. 

Paul was a rich guy who thought he was entitled to everything including the love of Sarah. He had to have her by all means necessary. So he tried several approaches—from trying to get her friends to speak to her, to romantic gestures, expensive gifts which she never accepted anyway.  She stood her ground and told him she was in love with another, and would be getting married soon.

This might have been the final straw because Paul kidnapped Sarah on her way home from work one day, kept her in a hidden place for almost a week and raped her repeatedly. And oh! She was a virgin saving herself for her wedding night with Ben. He even had the audacity to take many photos of her vitals for his gallery. Sick, right?

Sarah was later found by the police and she filed a report against Paul who was arrested. She then told Ben about the situation hoping he would understand but he rejected her. He could not marry a woman who had been raped. She pleaded with him several times to the extent that her entire family and even friends reached out to him, but he still refused to have anything doing with her. Ben's mother even contacted Sarah and told her her son, would never be allowed to marry a rape victim. I don't have to tell you how depressed she was.

Three months into the trial, she found out she was pregnant for her rapist. She so badly wanted to get rid of the child, but she already had health issues and could not afford to worsen her condition with an abortion. There was also the religious aspect of it. Growing up, she was told abortion was wrong and her family wouldn't allow her to. 

The trial took longer than expected and she used all her savings to pay her lawyers. Paul was found guilty, but acquitted of the crime after just six months. He paid his way out and when he was released, Sarah had had his child - a very beautiful baby girl who she couldn’t stand. 

Here she was broke, mother of a baby she did not want, heart full of unhealed wounds and her rapist running around freely with a satisfied grin on his face.

She never touched the child or breastfed her. She told her mum to keep the child since she wanted her and she moved out of home a couple of weeks after, although she kept sending some allowance to her mother each month for the child’s upkeep.

To her, the child was a reminder of the loss of real happiness; a reminder of the brutality she suffered in the hands of a cruel man.

When Sarah narrated her ordeal to me, I wondered which would have been better; to abort the child and risk health complications or to have the child and live with constant pain and anguish?

With love and support, some women may be able to look past the incident and love the child nonetheless. But what about those who just can’t seem to find the strength to? How do they get past this?

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