Why Are Women Blamed For Failed Relationships?

A lot has been said (and written) about how it is always a woman's fault when a 'beautiful' relationship ends. Adding just this short piece won't be the final gavel-dropping exercise to signify an end to this 'discussion'—if I can call it such.

It is really depressing to hear a section of society, sometimes women, leading charges against other women who have ended their marriages or relationships on their own terms.

The questions often asked of the women who end their relationships include the 'why didn't you stay and work it out?' Some of these 'advisors' also question why these women couldn't endure the problems and 'hold it together' but choose the exit route.

www.onesmartsista.com

Marriages or relationships are never a smooth sailing affair. It has its bumps as it has its joys. Sometimes, the challenges are so enormous that one cannot hold it together any longer and the surest way to save one's self is to walk away.

Every individual has just enough that they can hold or tolerate. Once the pressure hit its threshold and the tolerance scale tips over, one has to decide between staying 'till death do us part' (in the case of those married) or behave selfishly and quit.

"From a young age, women (girls to be precise) are often reminded, backed by religious edicts, why they must aspire to get married."

It is easy to understand why a woman would be blamed for ending a relationship on her terms. From a young age, women (girls to be precise) are often reminded, backed by religious edicts, why they must aspire to get married.

Marriages are considered 'a measure of a woman's worth'. In that marriages makes a woman 'complete'. 

She must also be 'submissive' to the 'head of the house'. The call to 'submit' include among others keeping quiet and enduring any nonsense  their husbands throw at them; which may often include verbal and physical abuses, adultery, alcoholism, reneging on his duties. The effects of such 'enduring' could lead to mental and health stresses-including death.

Let it not be lost on us that the role of a wife in raising a family is very much tasking. The household chores, the caring for children coupled with her career is one hell of a job which society expect her to balance excellently. It also demands a lot of sacrifices. And to have her shoulder these pressures along with the constant buffoonery of her husband or boyfriend is indeed too much to ask of women.

The thinking that a woman must, aside all her many roles in a marriage or relationship, be responsible for not only saving it but sustaining the marriage or relationship doesn't only sound regressive and absurd but it is too much burden on the 'weaker vessel'.

I recall a conversation I once had with a lady who was being abused by her boyfriend of four years. Even when she was sick, this guy would not hesitate to beat her up for the slightest provocation. She finally decided to end it when, during an argument, he hit her head against a sink resulting in a cut at the top of her eyebrow. I applauded her for exhibiting such bravery. Yet, I kept asking how many women I her situation could take the same action as her.

Yes, women do wear 'The Big S' (Superwoman) crest boldly in many instances. But as humans, there is just enough they can endure. And when they reach that point, they must make a decision- to stay in the dark and be miserable or walk away into the sunlight. 

So the next time you criticize a woman for not working hard at saving her relationship, remember that the decision wasn’t made without thorough consideration. And there is the issue of choice too. Yes, these women have a choice.

Written by: Ibrahim (Rahim) Muniru. Follow him on Twitter via @swayekidd