You get up, blood
in face, a loose tooth, bruises on your wrists, with half-closed eyes, you
stare and just before you can utter any word, he hits you again. You are left
on the floor writhing in pain and when you finally get the strength to drag
yourself up, you walk up to him and say “I am sorry” to which he replies “You
know I love you, you should stop making me do this to you”.
For the umpteenth
time, he gropes you, he giggles as he walks away; you were told about his
penchants when you first signed up to work- you saw it happen to others but you
never spoke up. It’s been three years and this has continued every single day;
you look at your attire and mumble to yourself “it is certainly my blouse; it
has cupped my breasts too firmly and my breasts are getting too big”.
He calls you all
sorts of unprintable names all the time “whore, slut, loser.” He tells you no
one will ever love you the way he does. You saw your dad do same to your mum
and when she finally opted out, she became a “sorry wrecked mess”. You peer at
the mirror and whisper to your soul “Indeed I am not beautiful. Look at my thin
neck. I have no education. I am worth nothing”.
He bites your
nipples really hard when he is intimate with you. He penetrates you roughly and
hard. He asks you to call him names that show he is the “dominant one.” At
points when you tell him to stop, that he is being too ruthless, he continues
pounding even harder. You show him your Bartholin cysts and the bite-marks for
the thousandth time and like he has always done, he increases the intensity at
the next ‘sex-session’. “Certainly, that’s his way of showing he loves me and
my body—at least he still finds me attractive” You say to yourself.
He denies you sex
as his way of proving you need him. He makes you beg for it. This happens not
once but every time you both have a misunderstanding. You convince yourself
“That’s his way of keeping the flames burning.”
Are you in an
abusive relationship? Probably. They are like narcotics, diverse, sadistically
indulging and give the illusion that they are difficult to get away from.
You have the power
but you let the power crush you by blaming yourself.
Truth is, you can easily
walk away (A classic example being Barbara Keane) and that is what you should
do. Opting to stay is choosing to die. And oh, before you walk away, look up to
your fears and tell them "I am a goddess, nothing conquers me".
Peace.
The author of
this post wishes to remain anonymous
This is heartbreaking. I am short of words.
ReplyDeleteYes. It is heartbreaking what some women have to go through. Even worse how the fear of leaving an abusive relationship cripples them.
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