Skip to main content

Dear Male Bestie, Please! Do Not Catch Feelings



Photo: thoughtcatalog.com

I grew up in the company of two impish boys and a father sometimes I wished I could vanquish to a far away Island. At school, I enjoyed the company of guys better than my fellow girlfriends. It was something about the freedom I felt when I was with them. The freedom to be myself because, well, guys, they don’t really give a hoot about things.

I would choose hanging out with a guy over a girl any day because it was less dramatic and there was no silent competitions. Then I had my first boy best friend. He was really cute, fun, a lot like me. We were doing great, until oneday he told me he ‘liked liked’ me. 

I thought “But I only wanted a bestie in you. Someone I could share my pringles with without things getting intense. 

I could never think of us the same way again.

“Can women really be best friends with guys without the latter catching feelings and thus, making everything weird and complicated?”


Photo: thoughtcatalog.com
After my bestie relationship failed, rather miserably, it dawned on me that perhaps men and women are not designed to co-exist in a non-sexual way. That no matter what, there was bound to be some emotional slips with either one party, mostly the guy, catching feelings.

I became guarded with the opposite sex and was, maybe unconsciously even hard on guys whose company I enjoyed, somewhat as a mechanism to prevent them from falling for me. My intention was (is) to protect the beautiful friendship we have going.

I am not easily understood with this ‘protective’ attitude, and quite frankly, I myself am not exactly sure which one of us I’m protecting.

I don’t know how one can explain to a male friend they care about that “Hey, I am being this way because I don’t want you to catch feelings for me” or that “mostly my walls are high up because I don’t want to ruin a beautiful thing we have going,” without them sounding cocky and selfish.
Labels:

Comments

  1. Wow3 October 2016 at 08:15

    i can relate paaaaaa... i've even ended up being called boyfriend snatcher and all but when the tables also turned round it made me also understand how it feels like so yhup i also got my walls high so i dont catch or you dont catch like we both dont catch feelings for each other

    ReplyDelete
  2. Unknown3 October 2016 at 08:50

    hahahahha, i think i can also relate to this, the point however is that, whoever wants to keep you as a bestie, likes u undoubtedly but cant date u for one or two reasons.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Benjamin Addo-Mensah12 June 2017 at 13:03

    The key is to just come out and say it when it gets overwhelming and then you get it over with. Never to think about it again.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Say something about this post

Popular posts from this blog

Women, Marriage, Child Birth and The Blackmailing Older Generation in Ghana

S ome years back, in my late teens, I always told myself I’d get married before I was 23. The thought of being able to enjoy life with my companion in holy matrimony without being pressed (physically, psychologically, or biologically) for children was ideal. I wanted to travel the world. Know people. See places. For my partner and I to get our act together before creating and bringing life into this world.   Maybe the motivation came from knowing my parents discovered each other and started life together quite early. My mother had me when she was barely 21. Three kids down the line, my dad is now in his late 40s, with my mom, a little behind. Definitely, the ‘young old couple’ thingy is attractive. But. I’m currently in my mid-20s. And unmarried. So many things replaced the desire for me to tie the knot before 23. I realized, somehow, that there was no rush. My priorities had shifted. There was education, a lot of growing up to do, and basically life! And there was also ...
12 comments
Read more

Why must this be the first sentence uttered by men when you get pregnant?

“A woman can endure all; every pain, every hurt, every bruise, but not one that she causes herself.”   I have decided to share this not because I want to tell my story, but because I want to heal even though that seems like too much to ask right now. I am not in the position to make demands. It is my only hope that someday, maybe, I will be able to forgive myself and move past this. A woman never understands motherhood until she becomes one , or shall I rephrase; a woman never understands motherhood until she experiences what it takes and means to be a mother. It isn’t just about bringing a child into this world; it is about bringing yourself into this world. You are tied by the breath of life to the child you bring forth.  The joys of a mother are that; like the cactus plant she has faced death and triumphed with life and for as long as she lives she will never experience anything as encouraging and comforting as her child’s first clutch of her thumb. It...
12 comments
Read more

When The Past Comes Looking For Me: Part 1

I walk into the shower of the hotel with Adele's new album playing in the background. The water is comforting, but why am I here when I'd just stood under another shower nozzle at my friend's house 3 hours ago? What is it that needs to be scrubbed off this time around? What dirt could I have possibly accumulated in such a short space of time?   Maybe it is the hopeless cries of heartbreak I have had to endure over the past three days. This was my duty as the best friend; to comfort and bring solace to my grieving friend for her ended relationship of almost 3 years. I had never seen my friend like that, and I was there when she buried her father. My awkward self involuntarily went into shut down mode, clueless on how to help steer her back to being the jovial friend I enjoy. Was it the messy room, the unwashed dishes or the unmade bed I slept on all day? Where do I need the water to reach this time? Her boyfriend finally called and I am hopeful th...
11 comments
Read more