Broken Relationships and Depression

The nights are scariest. I’d often wake up in the middle of the night and be unable to go back to sleep. The memories and thoughts would often haunt me right up till sunrise.

The days were not much better. I’d go from day to day, tired for no reason and unable to focus on anything. When I was back in school, there was a period in second year where I was skipping class and not doing assignments because I was feeling too down to do anything meaningful.

The triggers for me were love interests gone sour. Heartbreak just puts me into this state of hopelessness and despair. I’m a people person so destruction of friendships of any kind really cut me deep.

I felt really alone because there was no one to talk to. Friends could not relate to what was happening to me. The worst part was no one seeming to understand what you were going through. The feelings of worthlessness, intoxicating sadness and suicidal thoughts. When they assume you’re just being moody and you’ll snap out of it can be very crushing. I often spent my days sleeping and watching anime because I was unable to cry. (The cultural taboo that men were not supposed to cry). It has not been easy for me to admit this because men are supposed to show this game face every time like nothing is wrong. It is hard to have appetite let alone sustain it. All I craved most days was the sugar rush from fizzy drinks.

I managed to survive school thanks to the help of a lecturer friend. He listened to me, let me cry my heart out. I think that’s what most depressed people need. A sign of encouragement that the best days are yet to come. 

___Sena