I have an obsession with
planning. I set goals for the year, month, and week and usually live by them.
When things don't go according to plan, I get agitated.
2014 I had planned to start my
MSc (I found someone willing to sponsor), I was expecting my long overdue
promotion, and the girl I had been dating since high school had agreed to marry
me. Life looked good.
I gained admission to read my MSc, but my sponsor passed away. My boss chose to delay my promotion by another
year. One of my best friends died because his parents chose spiritual remedies
over medical treatment, and my fiancée informed me she was pregnant for someone
else six months to the wedding. From that point on, my perfectly planned life
started to unravel.
By the end of 2014 I was dealing
with more negative emotions than I was used to. I didn't know how to deal with
them. I wasn't eating properly, I wasn't sleeping well, I had become withdrawn
and I had serious trust issues.
People don't ask questions if you
smile so I learned to fake smile through it all. When someone asked why I was losing
weight, I'd say I was on a diet. When they asked about the date of the wedding,
I'd say soon.
The only person I talked to was
my best friend. In June of 2015, I made a new friend who had dealt with
depression before. These two were my support structure and between the two of
them, I didn't sink further into depression.
I still have trust issues. I haven't fully dealt with all these issues, but it gets easier every day. I
was lucky to have two great friends to get me through the dark days.
About the Author:
The Author of this post wishes to remain anonymous, and Sista respects their decision.
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