Skip to main content

How re-enacting sex scenes left me confused about my sexuality



We used to live in a ‘compound house’, and were exposed to so many things from watching grown-ups fight, to infidel arguments. There was another thing; something else I had not only been exposed to, but had taken a liking to.

During weekdays, after school, when the older people were not home yet, the bigger children among us; mostly teenagers, would convene in one apartment to watch ‘blue film’. We, the younger ones, would be spread out as messengers—to sound the alarm when any of the parents came home.

As time went on, our curiosity grew until Melinda and I decided to partake in the older children’s dine. That day, we crawled bare footed on the balcony floor right behind the sitting room to take a peep through the slightly opened curtain. 

They were all so quiet and focused as if taking a math lesson. There was a naked man lying in a canoe, and a naked woman sitting beside him. And they were just staring at each other. We got bored a few seconds after and crawled away. I was then 9, and Melinda, 6.

Three years on, I witnessed my dad cheat on and abuse my mom. They would lock us up in a room and fight so loudly my sisters and I would end up crying. I became an angry kid, and developed a hatred towards boys, and an unusual closeness to girls…in this case Melinda.

One day, we decided to act out some scenes in a famous telenovela which we watched every night with the older kids. I dressed up like a guy and found some bras which I stuffed with handkerchiefs for Melinda. After dressing up, I would touch her, and undress her in bits till only her panties and stuffed bras remained. Then I would put my lips on hers. She would then throw her head back, like in some kind of pleasure. 

This went on for a couple of weeks, until we stopped abruptly. I don’t remember how or what caused us to stop. Neither do I remember us getting caught. Over the years, I got a little confused over my sexuality. I thought of Mel, perhaps I preferred being with a woman? 

I didn’t really know what to think, until some years back, a woman asked me out. I was utterly disgusted. So I guess what happened with Melinda was just an innocent experiment?

Jane, Ghana

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Rape Is Not Just Sex. It Is a Crime of Power and You Don’t Tell Victims To ‘Just Get Over It.’

Photo Credit: Vox.com What most people do not understand is that rape is not something you just ‘get over’. No, it does not work that way. When the choice of consent is snatched from beneath you, it is a violation of not just your body but your mind too. Rape, is like a robbery in which something is taken forcefully from you with every unconsented thrust. Yet unlike robbery where items taken can be replaced, rape takes away parts of you that can never be replaced, only learned to live with. When a person is raped, it isn’t just the body that has been invaded but also the mind. And this unwarranted invasion can lead to a thrashing of a person’s mental health. Walls get broken and victims without the right help and counselling may never get around to becoming who they used to be. Their present comes to a standstill and the future turns to gloom. Some dire psychological effects of this violation may even be that victims may be broken to such abysmal levels that they acce...

“I have been both a victim of sexual abuse and most recently, rape.” Read Maureen Alikor’s Story and Her Campaign on Demystifying Abuse.

Photo: Maureen Alikor On the 16th of November 2016, my door was forced open by armed robbers who immediately striped us of all our devices and valuables. Myself and a friend. With a gun to our head, we were commanded to strip. We did. Yes, we were raped at gun point. All our pleas fell on deaf ears as they had their way, and left. Few minutes later, mobile policemen and neighbors began to converge in their neighborly pattern; in twos and threes, with folded arms, solemn looks, bowed heads and pitiful eyes; with much “sorry” and “take heart” to give, and curses intended to follow the rapists/armed robbers. But soon they left in their trickles. Fast forward to the next morning, neighbors and sympathizers converged yet again, and started dishing out various kinds of words of encouragement and advice on what to do; ranging from taking my pants to prayer altars so as to lay curses on the culprits, to burying the panties thereby burying their destinies. Others said, to...

Sista Clinik’s Ultimate Heartbreak Playlist for Women Going Through a Breakup

Photo Courtesy: Lovepanky.com Warning: This could get depressing, but oh, what the heck?! The pain is real. Like that kind of pain you feel when you accidentally hit your finger whiles hammering a nail into a wall. Or when a heavy door slams into four of your fingers without warning. Or when your baby toe accidentally hits something hard and won’t stop hitting into things at the exact spot of first injury throughout the rest of the day. You get the picture. Heartbreak is pain plus sorrow plus anger plus a little bit (maybe a lot) of insanity. Sometimes it feels like breath is being squeezed out of you or that someone pulled a plastic bag over your head. Almost every woman has experienced heartbreak—some many times more than others. For those who go scarred deepest and in the most repetitive of ways, every day is an emotional struggle. Dealing with men becomes a task executed with extra precaution because every man becomes a suspect, only in this case, guilty unti...