How re-enacting sex scenes left me confused about my sexuality

We used to live in a ‘compound house’, and were exposed to so many things from watching grown-ups fight, to infidel arguments. There was another thing; something else I had not only been exposed to, but had taken a liking to.

During weekdays, after school, when the older people were not home yet, the bigger children among us; mostly teenagers, would convene in one apartment to watch ‘blue film’. We, the younger ones, would be spread out as messengers—to sound the alarm when any of the parents came home.

As time went on, our curiosity grew until Melinda and I decided to partake in the older children’s dine. That day, we crawled bare footed on the balcony floor right behind the sitting room to take a peep through the slightly opened curtain. 

They were all so quiet and focused as if taking a math lesson. There was a naked man lying in a canoe, and a naked woman sitting beside him. And they were just staring at each other. We got bored a few seconds after and crawled away. I was then 9, and Melinda, 6.

Three years on, I witnessed my dad cheat on and abuse my mom. They would lock us up in a room and fight so loudly my sisters and I would end up crying. I became an angry kid, and developed a hatred towards boys, and an unusual closeness to girls…in this case Melinda.

One day, we decided to act out some scenes in a famous telenovela which we watched every night with the older kids. I dressed up like a guy and found some bras which I stuffed with handkerchiefs for Melinda. After dressing up, I would touch her, and undress her in bits till only her panties and stuffed bras remained. Then I would put my lips on hers. She would then throw her head back, like in some kind of pleasure. 

This went on for a couple of weeks, until we stopped abruptly. I don’t remember how or what caused us to stop. Neither do I remember us getting caught. Over the years, I got a little confused over my sexuality. I thought of Mel, perhaps I preferred being with a woman? 

I didn’t really know what to think, until some years back, a woman asked me out. I was utterly disgusted. So I guess what happened with Melinda was just an innocent experiment?

Jane, Ghana