Sista Clinik

Depression is not a ‘white people’ thing. I have been experiencing chronic depression for a while now, and I am black! I am a black woman.  It is also not an ‘old people’ thing. I am in my 20s. And I’ve lived with it since forever! I’ve become used to it for so long I almost don’t know what it feels like not to be depressed.  I’ve been depressed as a teenager. More than once the thought of suicide crossed my mind. The most vivid one, I cut my arms multiple times and watched as the blood trickled down. My mind is creepy most of the time. My bouts of misery is frequent. I have more memories of sadness than happiness. Waking up is hell. All I want to do most of the time is to sleep. Reality sucks. It is full of pain. It is filled with hopelessness. It is dejection. Loneliness.   Complete desperateness.  Where did this come from? When did it start? How did I get here? I was never a happy kid. I vividly remember I’ve hated myself since I was 13....

Dear Sista, In my first year at the university, I had my first boyfriend. Unlike how every girl would want it, he didn’t propose. We were very close friends, and well, we graduated into being girlfriend and boyfriend without anyone having to say anything.  I knew I was in love with him, but I wasn’t a hundred percent sure from his side. Soon my doubts were roused. He was exhibiting certain signs I couldn’t help but wonder if he was really in love with me. First he didn’t want any of his friends to know I was his girlfriend. Heck he didn’t want anyone to know I was his girlfriend.  In my presence, when his male friends asked him about our relationship, he would bluntly tell them I was just a friend. I was 17, and although very naïve, (as this was my first boyfriend, and the only guy I had ever loved), I knew something was not right. I did not understand why my own boyfriend will deny me publicly. When I asked him about it, he told me he ‘wanted to keep his per...

A man who doesn’t help is 'busy'. A woman who doesn’t help is 'selfish.' Anytime there is a party to plan at my office, food to share, water to serve, coffee to be made, desks and office machines to be cleaned, floor to be moped etc, everyone in the office looks at me. I am a woman, and I am supposed to be used to these things? And when I refuse to do them, I am called lazy, selfish or ‘not a wife material’. Yes, ‘not a wife material’. When I started work at my current office, I was informed the lady before me was doing the dishes among other ‘office housework’ which I found appalling.   I was then informed by her (we are in the same church) that she was forced to do so in addition to her secretarial job. I found this very wrong. After a while and some remarks, I realized I was expected to do same, but I could not be bothered. I refused to play the position of a housekeeper when I have been hired for another job. I however did not fully g...